So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Too much gin, very little bucket
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
