If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
