Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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