I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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