12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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