My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
