I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize