Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
