Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
