I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize