I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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