You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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