Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
