Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
