She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
