i wish starbucks made bloody marys
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
