Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize