i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
