We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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