so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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