It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
