Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
