I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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