Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
