thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
