dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So vagazzling was a success
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
