someone get that fucking seahorse.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
