You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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