I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
All I want is dick and wine.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
