My underwear smells like fireworks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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