I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
