You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
