Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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