I wannas sexs uuuuu
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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