I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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