i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
