The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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