but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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