I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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