now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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