You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
