is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
