i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
