He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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