Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
