My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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