it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
