You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
