wakey wakey hands off snakey
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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