You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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