Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
