i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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