I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
