I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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