Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
