He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
