Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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