I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
