I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
