his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
