My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
