Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
