The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
